Finding your path by learning to know yourself better

In neuroscience as well as in philosophy, the notions of self and self-awareness have triggered many debates. Although this is not new, there is still no single definition on which everyone agrees. However, some elements of consensus are emerging that can help us achieve a better awareness of ourselves in our professional life.

I am multidimensional

Often used in the singular, self is actually a multidimensional concept. We do not have only one self but several, each with different functional assets. On the one hand, the minimal self or “I”, acts and is characterized by “the subjective feeling of being the causal agent of one's actions”. In short, the awareness of being the source of our body movements or thoughts.

On the other hand, the narrative self, or “myself”, gives us a singular view of who we are. “Myself” is based on the integration of several perspectives: different versions of ourselves that co-exist in our social universe. Rest assured, this does not mean you have a split personality, but that who you are to your mother, your girlfriend, your brother or your colleagues varies, necessarily.

Self-awareness as a cognitive compass

These different forms of self are manifested from different narrative perspectives. “I”- therefore, the self in action - is in the first perspective so it is not aware of itself. Whereas “myself” is in the third perspective with a reflection on itself, and therefore aware of its own existence. For instance, your cat has a sense of “I” but not of “myself”. This explains its impulsiveness or intolerance to frustration - and the fact that it may sharpen its claws on your favourite chair. It cannot have a reflection on itself.

As humans, this “self” serves as our cognitive compass. Whether we are aware of it or not, it is the frame of reference for all our decisions. It integrates all of our past experiences to extract the moral and societal norms of the world around us, our value systems, our preferences and priorities, our motivational drivers, and everything that distinguishes us and makes up our own personality. Finally, it is what allows us to put ourselves in perspective to know ourselves better. And that is absolutely essential to find the right orientation and make the right choices.

What if we practiced getting different perspectives?

When we practice seeing ourselves from different angles, it allows us to work on a singular vision of our distinctive selves, to reconcile them in order to learn more about our strengths and weaknesses, our values and motivations. In addition, learning to experience different perspectives also facilitates our ability to take on the perspective of those around us.

This is called the Theory of Mind. It is our ability to imagine what people around us are feeling or thinking based on their observable behaviour. This ability is fundamental in allowing us to predict and thus anticipate the reactions of the people in our social circle.

To improve our taking perspective, we need to practice. The aim is to become more selfaware so that we can tell our story better in interviews, facilitate our decision-making and strengthen our social interactions at work.

Exercise

Step 1: Fill in the table

1. Think about your professional network. Who are the 3 most important persons in your professional environment? That is, who affects you the most, who has the opinions that matter most to you? Write their names in the first half of the left column.
2. Think about your non-professional circle. Who are the 3 most important persons to you, whose opinions matter most to you? Write their names in the second half of the left column.
3. Think about how each of these people sees you. Imagine yourself through their eyes and describe yourself as you think they see you in a professional context.
4. Describe your strengths from the perspective of this person in a professional context in the column in the middle. For instance: X is calm, determined, and thoughtful. He/she can move mountains when motivated.
5. Describe your weaknesses from the perspective of this person in the professional context in the right column. For example: X can be obstinate, has difficulty delegating, and lacks self-confidence.

For the people in your non-professional circle, imagine how they perceive you in a professional context, even if you have never worked with them. Even if you do not work with them, these persons still have a perception of you through what you have told them. 

Step 2: Analysis

Reread what you have written in the table. Are the strengths and weaknesses you wrote the same for everybody in your professional circle? What about your social circle? In between your professional and social circle? If not, think about why, for instance, you think that one person attributes a quality or strength to you when another would not.

Proceed in the same way for your weaknesses.

Step 3: Conclusions

Think about what you could change so that the strengths that best describe you could really be seen from everybody’s perspective. Can you think of a way of talking about yourself, telling a story of your professional life, that would capture and open up the perspective of these people on qualities that define you? Write down this narrative story/stories on paper.

Also, think about what you could change so that the weaknesses that describe you the worst are mitigated in everybody’s perspective.

Can you think of a way of talking about yourself, telling a story of your professional life, that could correct and change their perspective on this characteristic that does not fit you? Write this or these narrative stories down on paper. 

How is this useful?

Before each job interview, you can reread these narrative stories to help you tell your story and highlight your strengths and qualities. And if you have a difficult interaction with a colleague, you can repeat this exercise including him or her to help you better understand how to interact with that person. Finally, don't hesitate to discuss with the people whose names you wrote down during this exercise to compare the vision you have of yourself through their eyes with the one they really have of you.

Bonus: this exercise brings good results in a professional context, but it can also be applied to all kinds of environments. For instance, for friendly, sentimental or travel situations... It's up to you.