Why and how to develop your emotional intelligence at work

So what actually is the role of a product operation manager?  

My job mainly involves coordinating people and making sure that the technical team and commercial team talk to and understand each other, for example. It means that I have to really understand someone's needs and then express them to someone else who often speaks a very different language (the commercial team doesn't have much tech knowledge). To do this, I have to use my emotional intelligence (EI). 

What is emotional intelligence? 

It's not a concept I've thought too deeply about. But others have, and although it may seem obvious, it's a very good idea to explain it.  

Marina Fiori, a Swiss researcher at the Swiss University of Professional Development (HEFP), explains in an article that "Emotional Intelligence is necessary to be able to take into account the role of emotions in a world where humans live together". 

I think this is really important at work. If we aren't aware of our emotions and the context in which we express them, and if we don't try to understand what's going on with other people, we're going to end up with frustration, misunderstandings and even conflict, which can damage your quality of life at work and the quality of your work in general.  

What does it mean to show emotional intelligence?  

In his bestselling book, American psychologist Daniel Goleman writes that there are five components of Emotional Intelligence:  

• Self-awareness (hello, Joe Goldberg): this is knowing what causes you stress, what makes you anxious, what motivates you, your strengths and knowing how this affects other people. 
• Self-regulation (goodbye, Wednesday Addams): this is your ability to control yourself, and get rid of or redirect your negative emotions or moods. 
• Motivation (channel your inner Zendaya): this relates to all the optimism and energy you put in to your work projects. 
• Empathy (whatever you do, don't be a King Joffrey from GOT): this is the ability to notice how someone else is feeling and put yourself in their shoes.   
• The ability to form relationships, or social skills (like the Stranger Things gang): this is how you reach out to others and gain their trust. 

Can you develop emotional intelligence if you weren't born with it?  

At this point, you may be thinking, "self-control? What self-control? You may also be a bit baffled – is self-awareness just a bit too philosophical and not really your thing? We're talking about skilling up here, not doing a meditation session... right?  

Keep an open mind. Firstly, emotional intelligence "is a skill – you're not born with it. Clearly some people are better at developing it than others, but we can all get there." This is according to Régis Rossi, a French motivational speaker and co-author of the book "The Power of Emotional Intelligence". 

Developing your emotional intelligence doesn't mean you need to spend hours in self-discovery or self-reflection (unless that's your bag, of course). You just have to get off Instagram, take a step back and, above all, be honest with yourself. [Text Wrapping Break] 

So what can I do to give my emotional intelligence a bit of a boost?  

Overall, the three most important things are to: 

1. Test yourself  

To begin with, it's good to do a little self-assessment. Ask yourself where you are in terms of each of the five aspects of emotional intelligence. Question yourself about situations where you have felt emotions -– maybe it was with your mates, at uni, or during an internship, for example.Then try to score your anger, happiness, sadness or any other feelings you had. Ask yourself when your emotions are most heightened (when you're tired, stressed, upset etc.). You could also ask people who know you well to help you. 

You can also use the DiSC assessment or MBTI® assessment. At JobTeaser, we use the Process Communication Model. It's an American model originally designed by NASA to choose people to send into space in an enclosed area without any contact with the outside world.  Basically, it's a tool that says in life, you go through phases. When you use the tool, you lean more towards being a harmoniser (focussed on relationships), a thinker (focussed on organisation), a persister (focussed on values and beliefs), an imaginer (focussed on self-reflection), a promoter (focussed on challenges) or a rebel (someone who likes the playful side of life and shows raw emotions).  

When I did it, I realised that I was driven by my emotions, whereas others were driven by facts or experiences. You can use it to do a bit of self-reflection and try to adapt your reactions and ways of interacting.[Text Wrapping Break]        

2. Listen and ask questions   

To develop your emotional intelligence, I suggest you also try to actively listen as much as you can. What does this mean? First, really listen to the person you're speaking to. Try not to interrupt them. It's a good way to gain the other person's trust but also to find out what type of person they are, their drivers and their emotions.  

So rule number 1 is listen, then observe, and last but not least, ask questions. To really understand a need, task or problem, you have to ask a lot of questions. Give it a crack! It shows that you're interested and it will really help you to understand a colleague's or manager's expectations.  

3. Put yourself in their shoes for five minutes  

Asking questions helps you to put yourself in the other person's shoes and to see a situation or a project through their eyes. Empathy is something that develops. It's not telepathy; you have to really understand. 

You could also ask yourself how you would have reacted to that email or that comment made in the meeting. How would you have managed a super-urgent change to a project? These are just some examples.  

Really, it's about learning to gradually read other people. It's a particularly important quality for managers. And if you both do it, it creates a super-strong working environment as you understand each other a lot better. 

Knowing and trying to understand our reactions to things is therefore the first key step. Then putting it into practice when you interact with others allows you to turn the tables and – through the mutual trust and influence you have gained – reap the benefits so you can become more assertive, lead projects or just feel happy in your job. In summary, becoming emotionally intelligent is a virtuous circle.